♥baby Samuel Joshua Moore

Samuel Joshua Moore xxxxxx
born 5th june 1998 xxxxx
died 5th june 1998 was 38wks gestation xxxx
born at 21.25 xxx
71b 9oz
49cm
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HAPPY 11TH BIRTHDAY SAMUEL
ALL MY LOVE ALWAYS
MISSING YOU MORE AND MORE
EACH AND EVERYDAY!!! X X X

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HOLDING YOU FOREVER IN
MY HEART UNTIL I HOLD
YOU FOR AN ETERNITY IN
MY ARMS SWEETDREAMS

SAMthanking you for my speciel candles love sam x


I found out that i was pregnant and was excited
about becoming a mum again, from the start of my pregnancy
there was a lot of ups and downs and i wasnt sure that i
was going to carry samuel all the way through
as i was bad when i was carrying him early on.
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But as my pregnancy went on it got alot better and
was looking forward to seeing him i was admitted into
good hope hospital on the 3rd june they said it was due
to the amount of red blood cells i had.
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The next day was the 4th and i was sent home after being
given the all clear from the doctors, i went home and drew
my curtains shut, and its as if i knew what was going on that
something was going to happen to me, that afternoon i began
to have contractions so i left it a while as it was my 3rd baby
i knew that id be hanging round for ages for the pains to
get worse.
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eventually i gave in and got in the car to go to the hospital
on the way my belly went flat and the contractions was going
around my bump rather than normal contractions , i was still
excited though i thought about meeting my baby for so long
and eventually that time was here.
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the midwife put me into a room and said she would pop
me on to a monitor to check for the heartbeat, she put it on me
and was fiddling about with it for ages as the day before they had
found it on my left side not a sound was heard i screamed
at the midwife because i knew ,i knew that he had died.
the midwife rang my consultant and he came in at first he couldnt
work the machine to scan and after about 2hrs of being messed
he found one that he could use i sat in silence as i saw no
heartbeat on the scanning machine i felt my tears flooding down my face and nothing else mattered i
went numb.
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i was to give birth to sam the next day they gave me a sleeping tablet
but that didnt work i kept singing the tune tears in heaven over and over in my head and the next
day they induced me, my sister was there her friend it was a calm atmosphere i didnt want it to be
sad.
when i was just about to give birth to him my sister lisa left the room as she left i could see that
she was devestated by sams death as the door closed samuel was born i could see his tiny little body
lifeless everything in place my perfect little boy, the midwives are so amazing she told me that the
umbilical cord was wrapped around his entire body.
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when she took him away i screamed for her to bring him back i didnt want him to go, she came back
with sam in a moses basket all dressed and clean i held him in my arms and in my mind i kept asking
him to wake up and grip my hand he was warm and so soft.just like he was fast asleep
so peaceful.
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the priest came to bless samuel my mom,my sister,my sister in law and my sisters friend all held sam
and gave him a kiss he stayed with me all night long and i dont know how i managed to sleep that
night but i did he must of been with me then, i held him in my arms and just watched over him and
always in my head asking him to breath,i felt so empty and alone my baby was here but there was no
crying no cards no smiling just emptiness in side when it was time for sam to be taken my heart
ached so much for him and i seemed to flow into another state after that day my life was shattered
by him when i left the hospital that afternoon i walked down the corridor and heard the sounds of
the other babies crying i didnt want to cry but i couldnt help it because the day before i walked
in there pregnant and with hope of taking my boy home instead i walked out without him he was lying
in the hospital without me to look after him and i loved him so much.i left the hospital without my
angel no cards or gifts, no smiles,just a heavy aching heart.
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on the day of sams funeral his flowers started to arrive and i went out to look and couldnt belive
how many there was for him, i had sam at home over night and gave him a little bible for his coffin
a gold ring tiny braclet red rose a little letter from me photos of his brothers a gold cross, and a
little villa badge.he was up stairs in the little bedroom it had lots of flowers that people had
sent me in it was beautiful as people started to arrive i went down stairs and stood by the front
door i seen the black cars driving slowly up the road the most sickening feeling ever came over me
and i ran up stairs and sat over him and cried the men come up to shut his coffin and i said that i
needed to stay to watch them we pulled up at the church and i went blank all i can remember is that
my sister in law wrote a poem for sam and she couldnt read it beacuse of her tears.

it was like i was there watching but i wasnt there. when we arrived at the cemetary my head just
felt so heavy like it just wanted to burst, i didnt want him to go its an amazing sorrowful feeling
i wanted to hurt because he had died if i could of gave my life for him to have his i would of gave
him everything i,m sorry that he had to leave us all, its hard to cope
because everything of samuels i can fit in to a tiny box thats all i have left
of him all his photos and my own memories of him inside me i will never forget ~X~X~X~X~
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i went through depression really badly after sam had died i tried to commit suicide 3 times god kept
sending me back here, to look after my angels down here time does heal but it doesnt take away the
nice things that you need to make you heal i need his memory everyday i think of him all day it
doesnt make me mad it makes me his mom and as long as i live so will his memory,samuel has 8
brothers and sisters(4 of each) and they all know who sam is they think of him too hes part of me
and part of them i,ll never forget him because his memories are etched on my heart forever without
my partner and support of my mom i wouldnt be here today to write this probably somebody would be
lighting candles for me
god bless you sam I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU SAM XXXXXX

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TO MY LITTLE BABY BOY
X*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*X
GOD TAKES YOU AND HOLDS YOU TIGHT N
SO YOU CAN SLEEP SOFTLY IN HEAVENLY
LIGHT XXXXXXXX FOREVER XXXXXXXXXXX
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~